This is a long one...

Well, today was my last day. Its bittersweet. Almost more bitter. lol Its like the one thing I've been waiting for so long and its finally here but I wish I would just have one more week. Idk. I mean im ready to graduate and all, its just sad to leave. I think im just as sad to leave Hendersonville as I am to leave my friends. I've grown up here. My roots are here. I guess we all have to grow up and leave sometime though. I dont wanna get into all this now... lol

Sunday Pastor had a really good message. I've been thinking about it a lot. The message was title "Living in the Shekinah Glory". The Shekinah Glory is what the Jews called the indwelling, life changing presence of God. Throughout the sermon he kept talking about being hungry for God. I guess as a Christian you hear that a lot, "being hungry for Him." But what does it really mean? I couldnt stop thinking about that. I mean, we know what being physically hungry means. When we feel hungry, we need food. Our body tells us that. Our stomach growls and we feel empty. And if we go hungry long enough, we are considered to be starving. We are to a point that it is critical, in order to remain living, that we eat. Now I've been fortunate enough to never reach this point, but I do know that in the starvation state your body becomes tired and weak. So how does this relate to being hungry for God? It should be directly relatable. We should always be hungry for more of God. And in being hungry, we should feel empty without Him. Our spirits should cry out for Him! (And they do, of course. Even a non-believer's spirit cries out for God. They just might not understand it) But how often recognize this? We stop and think several times a day, man, I'm hungry, I need some food. But how oftern do we stop and think, I need more of You, God. Sure, we all have our desperate times. But what about everyday life? Are we hungry for Him everyday? We should be. We eat several times a day. Yeah, we need food to live, but is God not our ultimate life sustainer? And what about starvation? When I thought I about this, I had to stop and ask myself, have I ever truly been starving for God? Hungry to a point where my spirit and and body are tired and weak. I know I can't do or have anything without Christ, but have I ever actually experienced it? I mean, I think we're always starving for more of Him. We are His creation afterall. But our human nature gets in the way of us recognizing it. Have we ever really FELT or RECOGNIZED that overwhelming starvation for God. I realized that in order to truly experience hunger for God, we have to not just overcome our human desires and nature, but we have to DISCONNECT ourselves from them completely, and the only way to do that is to CONNECT with God. which leads me to my next topic...

In that same sermon, Pastor said something I will always remember, "Knowing God and connecting with God are two different things." That is so true! We know who God is and as Christians we "know" Him. But connecting with God is so much more. It's being in tune with God. Understanding His direction for your life (maybe not always the reason, but nonetheless knowing the directions), understanding His love and compassion for all people, understanding the areas in your life that God wants change and mold, etc etc. I guess the difference is really just simply knowing, and understanding. (Of course, we wont ever fully understand God or His ways during our time on earther, but i mean to the best of our capability)

I can relate to math. A lot of times in math, i can learn something without understanding it. I might KNOW how to solve a problem from what I've been taught but I might not UNDERSTAND why I'm doing it. Im not connected with the problem. To go a little further, I've noticed that when i just learn the steps to a problem without understanding it, I easily forget how to do it after the test. In same sense, If we are not connected to God, we can more easily forget our commitment to Him.

Last saturday night i was driving and praying. A few minutes before I did something that I was pretty upset about. It wasnt anything bad or whatever. Actually, it was God that moved me to do it. But it was something that I was very nervous and uncomfrotable with. God was really calling me outside my box. (on really quite a small issue) anyway so I was driving and praying and i was all upset. I kept thinking that i needed to explain myself. I needed an excuse or to apologize or whatever but God was telling me no. I could feel God with me. (When I was talking to Dane about it I realized that during the whole time i was praying and talking to God, I was glancing back and forth to the passengers seat without even thinking about it. Of course I dont mean I could literally see God next to me, I guess I just felt Him there so much it was like I was tlaking to a friend riding next me so naturally i looked.) Anwyay, during this time, I physically felt different! My body felt heavy, not in a weighted-down kind of way, but like I was so full something. I felt like I could literally feel God urging and pushing me to respond. I called someone. I originally planned to follow my own intuition and excuse myself and apologize , but God had other plans. The more I talked, the less contorl I had over what I said. Honestly Im not even sure what all I did say. I remember feeling embarassed but knowing that God was wanting me to tell this person exactly what I was telling them. I had no choice. It was completely crazy but amazing. I wish i knew how to explain it. What I can tell you is, that night, in something so small, I connected with God. I dont know how it happened or why it happened then, but it did.

I dont say that to boast about myself or to prove "what a good christian I am" so please dont take it that way. I just know that at that moment I experienced God in a whole different way. Now, I've definitely experienced Him before and i know I've seen Him move in my life. But there was a distinct difference about that saturday night. I dont know why or exactly how it was different but it was. I want to be in that place. I want to live life everday connected with God. I want to understand what God wants me to do, how he wants me to respond. I want to feel Him pushing me toward Him, guiding me through the life He has planned for me. God showed me something new. God showed me a situation from His perspective. A person from His perspective. Call me crazy but I know it.

I say all of that to say this. I dont know how to tell you to connect with God. I can't give you 3 little steps. All i know is that when you find yourself hungry for God. When your prayers are no longer just words but acutal cries of your spirit. God connects. God will never abandon us. For me it took a crazy saturday night in the driver's seat of a little red eclipse. I dont know what your situation will be. Just know that God allows things to happen to us for all different reasons, but he always knows when to intervene.